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Time:11:20 pm
 As God as my witness, I will find a way to show these girls how much they mean to me, and how much they have helped me, even when they don't know they are doing anything at all.
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Subject:starting my day off right.
Time:09:33 pm
The time is 12:30 and it is march 28th which means that exactly 20 years ago, i was born. 20 is a weird age, i feel. and its strange to think that im 20. 20..wow. ill get over it.
ps- Im the luckiest girl to ever live. 
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Time:11:35 pm
Theres just something about the counting crows that soothes every crevice of my body with the deepest feeling calm in the world. Its just what I need because today is, in the 2 years of college, the first time I have sat down with my book and just power-studied the crap out of myself. I didnt leave the house until 7:PM for the first and only time. Im not gonna lie, it wasnt that bad. WOW. please, remind me that i am not a complete dork. thanks.

So, while i was taking a break from studying, a "lunch hour" if you will, I had another one of my extremely far fetched abstract thoughts-taken-too-far incidents. I couldnt help but think about how awkward it'd be if humans had more in common with our not so backbone enhanced friends- hermit crabs. How hilarious would it be if we had to walk with something as comparitively large as a shell attatched to our backs at all time. Worse- how weird would it be if someone painted our "attatched part" however they wanted. It went so much further than that but for the sake of preserving my appearence of sanity to the outseide world, im going to stop here and get back to studying and stuff.

goodnight, lovess.
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Subject:they say time heals everything but im still waiting.
Time:04:11 pm

Today, I just want to break down and cry every single tear that is in my body and have it pour out of me because that is the only thing I can do. I can’t come up with words to describe the hurt in my heart and denial in the depth of my soul. I refuse to believe that today marks a year since my grandfather passed away and I still can’t get over it. A day doesn’t pass without me thinking of him and how greatly I miss him. I can’t stop thinking about not being able to say goodbye to him and it’s days like today that I just can’t live it down. I loved my grandfather in a way that I can’t even explain and it’s one of those things that I just never needed to. But I wish I did. It’s hard for me to believe that a year ago, on this exact day, my life was great and I didn’t know what it meant to be so deeply hurt. Harder to believe that while my grandfather was breathing his last breaths, I wasn’t with him. I guess that at one point or another, I’m going to have to get over this, but not right now. I’m stuck in limbo between what is real and what I just don’t want to be real. I miss my grandfather so much and nothing will ever change that, but nothing will ever bring him back and that’s just something I’m going to have to accept. That doesn’t mean I have to like it, though.

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Time:09:51 pm
 About 2 seconds ago, a very pivotal point in my life occured. I just want to share, so perhaps, if you've been in a similar situation, you could maybe let me in on how i should react.
 So, I realized that friends, reguardless of, well, reguardless of whatever actually, should be there to support you...even if it is something that they themselves dont feel comfortable with, correction, even if its something that they wouldnt do- that if a situation actually makes you happy to a point where you just cant stop it, it shoouldnt matter what a friend would do in that exact situation. it should be accepted. and thats it. theres a difference between lending advice and being a complete party pooper. It be more appealing if you gave me reasons but if there aren't any, dont front holmes. I am very happy right now, but my friends dont approve...i realized, it doesnt matter. right now, it just doesnt mean anything. I used way to much punctuation in this but im an english major. apparently, that makes it ok. thats what kids these days are telling me.
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Time:08:30 pm

Dear friends,

I have learned something that i think is very important to share with all of you: don't risk something that is extremely important to you for something that may not even work out.

Love, 
Kristin 

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Time:01:51 pm

think of who you were when you left
now think of who you are when you come back. 
...shifty...

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Subject:hum de dummm
Time:07:27 pm

Man, I haven't wrtten here in a long time and right now im bored so i figured, ima write, son.
things have been weird lately. 
my advisor told me that i need to seriously reanalyze my life if i want to get where i want to be. 
i cut my hours at work and amd kinda taking it easy for a little.
i think that part of figuring out who you want to be is taking some time to see where you're at. 
im on my way to something amazinggg.
lol.

i think i need to say what im feeling more often than holding it back.
i think other people affect me way too much.
i had the longest most sentimental conversation with my manager today.
im the only one she likes.
im uber attatched to the people at work.
it kinda scares me.
moms and i looked at a fancy shmancy car today.
im pumped.
i am not procrastinating on my schoolwork. 
i like that i decided to wait for the last 2 weeks of school to not procrastinate.

lately, ive been stoked about life in general.
i like it a lot. yayy!<33

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Time:10:25 pm

Some things never change.
And soon, I won't be here waiting for them to change, either.
You've lost touch with yourself and you don't even notice.
I feel bad that I don't feel bad.
In fact, I feel great.
Change can be a good thing.

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Subject:useless.
Time:08:20 am
Current Mood:quixoticquixotic
So, last night I slept the best that I have slept since, what seems like, forever. I had a dream that is still quite vivid in my mind. This is the first time that I ever woke up and was still thinking that I was dreaming. It was strange. I wish that the dream was reality. Its funny how, sometimes, dreams act out exactly what you want to happen in real life- stuff that no one knows about. Or maybe its just me...
..all I know is that I like dreaming. And wether or not that is the point of this entire rant is beyond me. But I thought ya'll should know. Now go, one and all, and dream as good as you can. I have to tell you, you wont regret it.

PS- My mood is quixotic. Can you tell me what that means? Is the face drooling? Im utterly confused.
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