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Time:02:35 pm
I think that sometimes we are tricked into an illusion of strength- that during our weakest moments, we are led to believe that everything is going to work out exactly as we planned. I think that when you finally realize that not everything is exactly what you think it is, you can really move to a new place mentally. I look forward to a day of freedom and peace, but now is not that time. I'm alright just being for right now because it helps me get by. I'm not yearning for purpose or to be a necessity, I simply want to be. This is my happy medium.
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Subject:Fitting.
Time:10:16 pm
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Subject:Kill The Messenger
Time:05:00 pm

This makes things good <3
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Subject:shinedown
Time:01:49 am
Current Mood:calmcalm
I feel that as an artist it is important to take things that people may not think of into consideration. I thought about this on my way home from work today. It all spiked when I was thinking about how goodbyes are never good. And all along I was trying to think about ways that they could be okay, and I came up with nothing. Ironically, at this point in my inner dialogue, shinedown- second chance came on the radio and suddenly, a whole other side to the conversation between me and myself had been offered to me. All in all, its important to get people to expand their minds, and had it not been for shiendown, my negative connatation may still be valid, but they straightened me out. I will always owe shinedown something for this.
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Time:04:33 am
Haha, I feel like rev run cause I'm doing this from my phone. I'm laying here in bed, studying some biomolecular science and enjoying every second of it. I don't know when I started loving science but, it has happened!
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Subject:hmm...
Time:07:27 pm
I may never agree with some of the things you did, some of the things you said, but if I'm not willing to let go of that, what does it say about me? Whether or not I agree with your choices doesnt change the fact that I absolutely love the person they have made me.
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Time:07:15 am
Slap me in the face because I'm going through an obsessive spurt with 'Take a Bow'..yeah, the Rhianna song. And I was just stalking myself on myspace and reading through old stuff and thought, hmm, exactly 4 years ago, what was i thinking? so, i found the blog i wrote on this exact day 4 years ago and here it is:

Ain't it funny how one thing someone says can really make you think about things....how they really didnt mean it in any way to bother you but for some reason it does? That kinda bothered me tonight. Whatever.
And about this thing, this thing...hm, how do i describe it.
Whats tough is when you want your heart to be in so many places at one time.
I mean, when you stop caring about stuff that means the most to you, i think its a pretty safe sign that...your confused.
I feel bad, i really do...and i know people say stuff to help, but to me, it comes across as them trying to lead me the way theyd like it. its much more complex then that. But, I appreciate what they say so much. And lots of times, it helps.
I feel like i need time. I need to take a break from everything. Everything that means anything to me and figure it alll out. Cause i think thats the only way im going to get anything done. Thatll be good.
Good night tonyt tho. gotta wake up early tho
goodnite folks:0)

And now i'm going to admit something that i always knew in my heart: myself, and the things surrounding me, have not changed one bit. That makes me a little queezy but more that anything, it makes me feel really good. I mean, I know most of that blog makes me sound like Patty Pessimist, but I can help but feel like a really genuine person. I mean, I've watched people change before my eyes and I enjoy the fact that I just havent. I mean, sure, I've matured a bit but...i dont know. I actually dont get the point im trying to make--i guess its just that if more people spent time being true to themselves instead of trying to please everyone else, things would just be a bit more genuine..and I enjoy genuineness...if you couldnt tell.

To further elaborate on my genuine(ness) rant, I'd like to comment on the game last night. Its humerous, to me, to run into people that i havent seen in a couple years and watch them be fake to my face..just like high school! However, it was also nice to see those faces that i havent seen in a couple years that I truely from the bottom of my heart have missed so so much. It's nice to see that. There's nothing better than the feeling of being surrounded by a massive group of people that you care so much for. Nothing can even come close to that feeling.

But anyways, its Thanksgiving and I feel compelled to do one of those "what am I thankful for" jobbies, but tgis year its simple. Last Thanksgiving, we were eating turkey dinner in a convalescent home. This year, we are able to go out all together. It's remarkable to see how beautifully things have shaped up. I'm thankful to enjoy this time with my family...no matter what else I say.
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Subject:Dashboard Confessional - Vindicated
Time:06:14 pm

I'll just pretend that I'm going to see them at Harbor Yard...ughh.
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Subject:A Long December - Counting Crows
Time:03:46 pm

Sick showww<33333
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Subject:Jack's Mannequin
Time:03:46 pm

This show was awesome. I'd be jealous if I didn't go.
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